Minimalistic Wrestlings

There are some things in the following statement that make me feel rebellious

Minimalists don't find joy in stuff, rather in experiences
Minimalists buy things for function and don't follow trends
Minimalists get quality items that last

So, I know that consumerism and shopping for entertainment and stuff that cycles into the landfills just because trends change, all of that is sad and slightly disgusting in the face of the world's needs

But...
I don't want things that last. I want change. I want different. I like how trends bring emphasize the beauty of something that has been overlooked (like traditional rugs, or quilts, or classic art, or boho throw pillows - they all have their specialness and trends give things their turn in the spotlight)

I find stuff beautiful
Heavy pottery
Well made dressers
Thick stationary
Hardcover Illustrated books
Layered fabrics

I don't like spending money on stuff - more important for that to go to useful things
I don't like organizing or cleaning stuff - it's too much precious time wasted
I do love creating stuff, or using stuff as art

Setting a table with cloth napkins and good food and wood platters and vases of wildflowers
Christmas lights and Nativity scenes sparkling in the evening darkness
Baby rooms brimming with love and sweetness
Candles and teacups and cozy blankets and fur pillows on a leather sofa and marble coffee table

I enjoy being home. In my house. And having people I love in my house. And the sweetness of connections and love and comfort and art

My friend Rachel is naturally minimalist and doesn't bother much with clutter told me that I have the storage space to keep all my odds and ends if it makes me happy so don't worry about it.

That was nice. Permission from someone who doesn't have junk to want my own junk. But... I don't really want it.

Minimalism is a mindset shift that matches my values.
It means people over projects
Less stuff more time
Meaninful vs temperal
Changing the culture of middleclass americans with our full closets and full basements... not accumulating more but giving more

I don't want to be a stuff manager
I love the idea of Christmas decor being the pinecones we gathered on a nature walk and stars we fashion ourselves from willow sticks and greens from our backyard with some candles. About making our own memories instead of bins of things that we unpack and repack

But I love the magic of taking out the wisemen and putting wreaths on the windows

So. I'm sure it's about finding my own balance. It's always about finding the balance - the center.

I just haven't yet. So i find myself getting rid of things and then adding other things and then getting rid of things and having this ridiculous cycle. And some sort of guilt for still being in the process.

And...
What am I going to do with my extra time?
Exercise? I hate exercising.
Do more side by side time with my kids? That can be draining... I love it and I love them but I want them to go play with each other, not me. I don't want to drive cars into each other and say "crash" for more then 4 mins. I just don't.
Clean my toilets more often? It seems tedious.
Isn't it more fun to find pretty vases and line them up across the mantel with queen anns lace for a new look?

I don't know. I haven't solved it.
I've gone to homes that are minimal and they just seem... so unartistic.

My friend Tia has a wonderful balance of less stuff but well done. I do feel like she has figured it out. But in some ways she has other outlets for her creative energy. I have a lot of creative energy and it's often only expressed in a house. I need to find more ways to create but... I tried painting and I don't see a point. What do you do with the art afterwards? I tried photography and I'm restless with it. Maybe if I was growing still... maybe if I was doing something with travel photography. Maybe for styled shoots. But, photography in general has become more of a check list - it's the editing part... click, wait 20 seconds, click, wait 4 seconds, click way 10 seconds and change the file and start the next. I tried being a paint nite host - teaching it in a fun night... but... I need more ownership. I need more meaning. It was just like photography, a rhythm. Once I learn a rhythm I'm ready for something new.

Art helps restore my energy.
It soothes me and makes me ready for the ugly
Creating beauty in the tangible makes me want to create beauty in struggles of humanity

I'm still figuring out how to find that outlet without it being a consumerist, stuff, clutter, anti-accomplishing-its-purpose, path

I don't want the very things that I'm gather for energy to use up my energy.

Hopefully my next post will describe how I've figured this all out.

Furniture

This is my first time using my phone to post

A lot more simple to add photos
A lot less inspiring to type

It's spring and I'm excited but apprehensive about the busy
My calendar has its steady flow and then vomits all over itself in the spring season. There are just a lot of important people and traditions that all happen. If I would have planned better I would have scooted the birthdays of my sons outside of this wedge of dates. But. I did not.

With spring and the new fresh comes my desire to simplify the house and let more sunshine and space into life. Maybe the hectic is a good reminder of how simple I want my home to be. But it's also a bad time to minimalize because unfortunately I'm not very natural at less. So I have to concentrate and be intentional.

I also need creative time. To make. And that has been furniture again.
I'll show you some before and after.

And lament a bit
About how much I want to use my life and time to make a difference to those in distress and poverty. A great deal of the world. I live in the tiny fraction of comfort. And just settle down and want to try wallpaper for the fun of it.

And I dooo want to try wallpaper. And I do want to plant flowers and paint old beds and create.

But I want to make my life count for more then being busy to the last inch of the day on fluff and nonsense.

So. For now I decided that flipping furniture for money for an organization that works to stop human trafficking is a worth time spender. And gives me a creative outlet. Hence. That is where I'm at for now.

This dresser was nasty at the base and full of yellow smoke stains

These two purple bedstands were a scruffy purple. And they got the regular gray coat too.

You can see how yellow with smoke this one is. It was originally a white one! Isn't that soooo gross!!! It took a lot of cleaning and sealing to be usable again. The dresser was the same way. But the gorgeous details made it worth it. 

I bought this frame with an olive green oil painting for 50 cents. I repainted it abstract and sold it.

This set of side tables and coffee table had seen better days. They got the weathered gray treatment with the rest.

I just painted the back white and called this good. 

And a bit of white to this darling too.

This one just had a smokey gray and it transformed.

This dresser was so old and beat up but when finished I loved the character and quality so much that I'm keeping it. 

I can't find my before photo but this dresser below was missing one drawer and a cherry wood that looked oh so different. I made a shelf in it instead of the drawers and it turned out rather nice.

This one I don't have the before picture either

Hmmm... I was sure I had a before photo for this...

I took two totally unmatching ones and called them a his and hers

Anyway. That sums up my flips for now. ta-ta. 

Simplicity through Sabbath

I've pondered about it and wrestled with it.

I have friends who take life slow. And I find myself judging them. Wondering why they aren't utilizing time more seriously.

And I have friends whose lives are thick with juggling and I find myself judging that too. Wondering why they don't prioritize marriage and family time.

And then I have myself. Which likes to judge in areas that I feel guilty in. So both of these extremes are a problem for me.

Balance is almost always the answer for everything. But balance usually looks a little different for every individual. Which means it needs to be a specific journey for every individual and every family. The thing is, life dictates enough elements that even when we think we figure it out, everything changes and we have to start again.

A new baby, for example, removes all balance. Or even school season and summer season.

It's easy to know what I don't want.
It's much harder to know how to achieve what I do want.

I don't want full hectic schedules.
I do want family dinner time.

I don't want to fill my life with domestic stuff. I need variety.
I do want a clean house and healthy meals.

I don't want my time to be so full of cooking and cleaning and cramming in my hobbies that I am not present or available for kids or hubby.
I do want regular dates and times with my husband.

I don't want to let my interests - a good yes - take away my best yes.
I do want ministries outside of my own family.

I do want enough time to sip and type and reflect or take a bath or read or exercise.
I don't want to clear my schedule of duties so that I can scroll facebook more or so that I can use my time to entertain myself. I want to be productive and have something to show for my time.

I don't want to make life all about me - either in need for approval and achievement or in need for relaxation and self centered living.
I want to follow the Lord and the leading of His spirit and use the natural interests and talents He gave me.

I read a book by Kari Kent called Breathe that talked about Sabbath simplicity.
My dad, a minister whose Sundays are anything but restful, had discovered this principal and encouraged me to carve out a day that was a day of rest (probably not a Sunday since I dash from making breakfast to music practice to Sunday School to playing hymns to teaching Junior church to playing in Praise and Worship and there isn't much time for feeling refueled since I don't even listen to the sermon). At that time I scoffed and felt like there was no possible way to take a day off when I was the mother of four very young children and every day demanded chaos. But he patiently encouraged all the same. When I read about Sabbath Simplicity there was finally a connect. Here is what I learned.

Traditionally it takes 3 days of preparation for a Sabbath and 3 days of reflection afterwards.

In my opinion, hard work is commanded of us. That a man shouldn't eat if he doesn't work. That God set up this because going to the ant and learning how to manage our time and control ourselves is healthy for us. God wants us to work hard. It's good for our character.

Sabbath is the day where we realize that we are dependent on God. That success is not up to how hard we work. Sabbath is the day where we know that we can't outdo God. He rested the 7th day. Sabbath is the day where we spend our energy on restoring and refreshing through connection. Where we remember the truly important things. Where we have God time and kid time and me time. It's mainly family time - this isn't about others outside the home (though sometimes others my join your own circle) - it's about rebuilding as a family unit. No laundry or dishes or errands. Maybe paper plates and a picnic. Maybe a nap. Maybe reading books. Maybe bored kids who learn to be still and not need spoon fed entertainment. Maybe family games. Probably a lot of parent time investing into loving through playing. Having the time to get down on the floor and build legos together. Praise and encouragement. Uplifting music. Laughter. Popcorn and tents. Spiritual discussions and Bible time. The whole family being together. Looking up bird names and tree names. Listening to kid chatter, earnestly. Hiking through a meadow. Going to bed early. A day to restore through the things we value most. And to carve space for that by being free of the daily grind.

This means, if you're a hard worker, that it takes 3 intentional days to prepare.
Figuring out how to take a whole day off means laundry and meals and groceries and housework and errands and appointments and yardwork and ministry and responsibilities all have to be done ahead of time.

It means we are teaching our children to be proactive and intentional.

The three days of reflection shouldn't be three days of crazy catch up.
It should mean we can pause to ponder what it was our kid was struggling with when they shared that story about school.
It means follow up questions to our husband on what he meant by his unguarded Easter day wishes from when he was on the hammock
It means time to journal what was happening in our heart when we lay in the grass staring at clouds with the kiddos.
AND It means time to give and share with others from our energy and abundance and help those who are weary.

And then we prepare again.
Because our week would revolve around the sabbath.
Not every day needs to be empty - we would be lazy and bored.
But that the simplicity of one day helps us figure out our priorities of the other days.

It touched my heart deeply to think of setting up the week to rest on the sabbath. Because gods of other religions demand a variety of things. And what does the True God ask of us? Rest! He asks us to be intentional about a day of rest. AMAZING. And how will we understand His character and His love if we don't? This doesn't mean we pull back from doing good things. It means we keep the good things within the ability to take one day off from all of them.

And this is where simplicity finally made sense for me.

Our exchange student Lisa came from a christian home where the sabbath was practiced. The internet box was unplugged and so no one could be on their phones that day - no tv series and no social media. The dad made a big pot of delicious soup on Saturday evening and everyone ate it Sunday afternoon when they came home from church. Then the whole family napped. Dinner was easy foods like apples and cheese and bread a butter and olives and dried meats. There was coffee where everyone gathered after naps. So multiple times the family just gathered around the table to be together. Lisa said the hardest part was Saturday night, that at midnight the Sabbath had started so they had to leave parties and be at home. And in their culture, even innocent gatherings didn't start until 11pm and lasted until 2 or 3am. It was a sacrifice to come home by midnight - especially if you knew you could nap the next day. But this was a way that their family implemented a day of rest - especially for a house full of teens.

At first I found this legalistic. Why only Sunday to set apart as holy and separate? Aren't we supposed to live holy and separate every day of the week?

Now I find more and more value in their purposefulness.

A Sabbath for me means a lot of changes.
Basically menu planning and intentional grocery trips and laundry and housecleaning. I have to be much more organized in everything. Especially so that afterwards isn't a catch up rush, but a time of reflection and giving to others. However, this is my answer, what the balance of hard work and simplicity looks like.

Friendship

When I was in college, Tia already had husband and a baby and a house in the big city.

I visited her.

During that visit I spent very little time with her.
I went shopping.
I went out to dinner with a group of friends.
I met a guy that I didn't know very well for him to take me flying in his little private plane.
I stayed up late using her computer in the guest room to talk with someone online and then slept in late the next day.

I didn't ever pause to think that maybe she had hoped I was there to see her or care about her life. I was too busy living mine.

When it was my turn to be married I didn't ask her to be a part of my wedding.
Because I knew so little of her life that I assumed she didn't want to be bothered.
She was all grown up and enjoying this life of...
of...

What did I think about it? Well that she dressed her baby boy in preppy clothes and sat with him at a coffee shop. I didn't have time or money for coffee shops so I suppose I imagined her life was easy and pretty. And that in a few years we'd have something in common.

But she let me know that she'd like to be a part of my wedding - that she'd like to be a part of my life - that the right now counted for her. That was useful for me. To realize that she genuinely wanted to connect even if I wasn't at her phase.

And then I got to that phase. I had little children and I was so lonely and overwhelmed and felt so stuck in this endless cycle of maintenance and meals and laundry and breastfeeding. Everything felt so hard.

I was in my red wallpapered bathroom on the phone with Tia when she said something about how fun her kids were getting. Playing pretend games of Peter Pan and analyzing gender roles and having funny conversations. I felt bewildered because my 2 year old was in speech therapy because I was the only one who could sometimes guess what he was saying and my 10 month old didn't talk and my belly was already growing another child. I couldn't imagine the next phase I just felt so sunk in this one.

And then I reached her phase again. My kiddos could be reasoned with and ride bikes and wipe their own bottoms. At that time I complained to my mother in law about some young couple I knew and she smiled a wise smile and said, "Yes, but that was you 9 years ago."

And now when young people - my exchange student for example - butterfly around with their busy worlds of prom drama, I have a new perspective.

I can, like Tia, love and understand. And speak my boundaries when needed. Clearly lay them out. And in giving that explanation of where I'm at (like her saying the being left out of the wedding felt hurtful.) This gives the opportunity for a new level of trust and respect and connection to develop in the relationship.

When I give someone the chance to meet my needs they either do, which helps me continue to invest into them but with a mutual connection, or they don't. If they don't understand or are not able to meet my desires then I have this opportunity to love sacrificially.

At one point I thought the mature thing was to love sacrificially without ever mentioning my own needs. But that is a mistake for three reasons. It promotes burn out. It prohibits me from really knowing myself or offering others to know me or deepen and strengthen a relationship. And it also makes the sacrifice of my own efforts instead of through Christ's spirit. Only once I have done steps of encouraging and supporting growth within myself and others can I then accept grace for the path of sacrificial giving. In other words, it's not useful to let people take advantage of me. Not for them nor for me. But once it's been addressed, I can then GIVE my advantage away if the Lord so leads. And usually He does.

It's a concept my husband explained to me.
If we have an advantage, isn't it a blessing to give it away?

Though my example was my friendship with Tia and the journey of my own maturing, this realization of knowing myself, explaining myself, and then accepting the limitations of others and not needing them to be perfect - this is a freeing understanding that covers a broad number of situations.

It's a meaningful feeling, as I sort thoughts before bed, to not be taken advantage of. Meaningful because I'm in control of my own attitudes and responses. And unhealthy thought patterns can be changed through grace. And I can give grace too. Because when I compare my outside with someone else's outside, there is some sort of tension or rivalry or sense of not feeling understood. But when I look at my inside and someone else inside, I find that we have a lot of struggles and dreams in common.

Connection

There are 800 employees losing their job at Caterpillar, where my husband works. This isn't the first layoff. There have been many rounds in the past several years. But it's the atmosphere of now.

Suddenly someone shows up at your desk. Informs you that you've been asked to leave, and escorts you to the door. This is to prevent any damage to the work you've done it seems. Not to give you time to sabotage anything. Hence, no warnings, no goodbyes and best of luck, no moments of closure or to wrap up the work you've been pouring a large quantity of your existence into. You're just removed.

I relate somewhat to this feeling.  I was working with a particular boy who was a foster kid around the age of 5. He didn't speak much. Couldn't bear to be around toilets and went into terror if he heard one flushing. One day his foster parents abruptly informed my agency that they didn't want me to come to work that day. That he was asking for me too often and they planned to adopt him so it wasn't useful to have him bonding to me.

It felt awful. I couldn't even say goodbye. I just never showed up again. And that was that. Abandoned him when trust had started to form.

I wondered if this is somewhat of the feeling of being rooted out of your cubical and moved to the door. Knowing that it had nothing to do with your quality of service. There is no lesson to be learned. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. Just a lesson that unfairness wins.

Except there is so much more - there is the uprooting of the whole family, the stress of no income, the pressure to sell your house after school just began, the endless unknown with a current emphasis on your inability to control anything.

But if I could say goodbye to that boy, it would have been something. A degree of healthy in the mess of life. And perhaps some dignity to a job termination would be something too.

I thought about connections today.
What it means to have emotional intelligence.
How that looks.

photo from: http://www.lakeplacid.com/f/styles/1440x700/public/photos/aubuchon-hardare-store.jpg?itok=4QZ4UKvQ



What came to mind was a trip to the hardware store. I was nine months pregnant, my belly like a grape ready to burst, and a herniated belly button that made a funny knob on my taunt skin. I walked through the long isles in a waddle I suppose. And then I was stopped by a very large man. Broad shoulders, tall, strong, good looking in an intimidating way, bearded and vividly blue eyes.

I was used to being stopped - it was my fourth child - but generally by older women who may or may not ask to touch my belly and smile at their own fond memories of motherhood. I was slightly surprised by this burly guy.

"My baby is two weeks old," he told me - as if totally shared experience in the pregnancy thing, and thus obviously comparing notes. Then his blue eyes turned an intense color of aqua as they filled with tears.

He talked for a few minutes. Bursting with pride. His body shaking with love. Uncontrollably protective and helpless. I didn't know if I should hug him, but my body was an awfully awkward shape to be patting anyone's back.

His voice was choked and his words were all tangled and he just told me about the birth and holding this infant and how little it was and how he will fight the universe to just let it grow in sunshine and goodness.

The combination of his crazy blue eyes and thick muscles and weepy voice and heartfelt passion all left me moved. The deep contrasts emphasized the core connections and values - his utter adoration for his child and the ability to see a hefty pregnant woman and know that she would relate to the passion he was overflowing with. And to share the moment with me because we must hold the most important thing in common.

photo from: www.babypost.com/blogs/rebecca-eckler/rebecca-eckler-why-i-loved-people-touching-my-pregnant-belly



I guess that moment of shared passion among the power drills and jig saws left me keenly aware that humankind does connect. We do understand. We do share common themes.

We have the ability to give each other grace and respect and understanding. Because we really can relate to each other. It gets lost somewhere... we are impatient with our children for admiring a butterfly when we want to hurry. We snap at our husband when he doesn't know where we left our own purse. We glare at the cashier as if it's her fault that she's working a crappy low paid job with long lines and not enough other checkouts. We just do this thing where we pamper our self pity at the expense of others. Or shrug at the way corporate business is done. Or forget that a big manly handsome dude is of course totally connected to a random exhausted pregnant frumpy woman.

All these thoughts ended at this one conclusion - when we live from our core values, we connect.

FUN - my Spiritual Journey (this will be a long one!)

Since I was a teenager I've had a God-word of the year...

Words like:

Grace, Worship, Self Discipline, Holiness, Joy, Simplicity, Peace and so on

This year my word is Fun.
Isn't that strange? It seems so unspiritual.

But I'll unfold my journey for you.

Joy I understood. It's choosing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's gratefulness. It's a deep understanding of Christ's goodness and an eternal perspective on the sorrows of this world.

Fun has been something that I push away. It doesn't feel sensible or mature or worthy of my time and energy. It doesn't seem sober.

Before we go farther - BALANCE is the one thing I recognize as both rare and utterly valuable. The Bible says we have an invisible battle we're fighting - not flesh and blood - but mainly in our mind. Fighting for truth amid rampant lies and fighting to deal with the lies in other people's heads too. And Satan loves to push us either direction in these lies.

Isis is growing through lies - lies that hold the tiny shred of truth and gets all twisted. Isis has young girls joining because it tells them, "don't be a sex object like the Western world belittles you to be. Women are women and they want to be known and treated differently"

and after being on this earth a couple decades I do see the ugly lie of girls trying to compete with hollywood and effort and longing into their looks only to one day realize that if that is all someone cares about, life is pretty awful.

Isis tells people "there is joy and connection and community and meaning in our group - if you join us your skills will have value. we may have to sacrifice the world to save it - but it's a glorious mission"

It's crazy to me how terrible these lies are and how much they blind their followers...
but I know how lies are so deceptive

And one of the reasons I believe in the Bible and in God is that it isn't specific - it leaves room for many personalities and many ages and many times in history and it has a clear gospel - but doesn't spell out rules like how long ones shirt sleeves or skirt or hair should be. It didn't make clear lines even on ruthless horrible things - left a lot up to governments and people and learning - but even if the Bible didn't forbid slavery, Christ makes it abundantly clear that we are to only love each other and give up everything for the poor and take up our cross. That is His best. No slavery possible when you're living in the Spirit. The 10 commandments - and then a lot of freedom. Freedom to make bad choices even. And freedom to fight against surrendering to Him... to be scared of giving up everything even though it's our only real freedom. Freedom to choose not to live in the Spirit.

And, on the other hand, we can get carried away on man-made rules and waste precious time and unity arguing over a lot of specifics... Grace is that middle ground - allowing people to have their own journey, encouraging and pointing towards truth and understanding others without needing to be understood. Being true to the Holy Spirit and clinging to Him and positioning ourselves to hear Him and reminding others of the truth that He is showing specifically to them and letting go and facing fears...

This isn't a very Fun blog. Hm.
But that was my backdrop to say how essential it is to live in balance. Not wildly living for ourselves, but not taking ourselves too seriously and being caught up in creating rules for ourselves and everyone else and forgetting to live in the overflow (fruits of the Spirit).

And fun is missing in my balance.

Here is what is needed for fun:

- Delight
-Appreciation and seeing the good
- Boosting happiness in others
- No agenda for others
- No need to change or manage, what is, is enough
- Not taking self too seriously (humility not pride or self importance)
- Connecting fully to the moment (living presently)
- Pure acceptance
- No need to be in control of a situation or another person
- Wholehearted... not fragmented by worry or criticism or guilt or pressure or stress or distraction
- Acceptance of ones self, no need to perform
- Openess and vulnerability and trust
-  Abundance mentality. Taking a risk in giving of myself, giving my joy to something because I don't have a scarcity mentality. There is enough and more. Enough energy, enough time, enough emotional availability, enough joy.
- Doesn't oppose wisdom or prudence. Doesn't fight against classiness or self control.
- Is part of the balance Is not a solution in itself.
- Can be an escape from real, or it can be an overflow of real. Just like everything else. Every part of me can be turned into a lie (an escape from real) or be an outpouring of real... and if I'm walking in the Holy Spirit then an outpouring of Him.

My friend Heather and I had a conversation that was so meaningful. About how the answer is in what we dread.

For example, Heather said "I'm afraid of being invisible... because what I most dearly want is to be invisible (letting Christ flow through me!") and I said "I'm afraid of not being enough... because what I really want is to NOT be enough and to source life through His sufficiency so that I actually am living with meaning." And "I'm afraid to change because what I really want is change" and "I'm afraid to let go of my efforts and have fun because what I'm working for is to have fun."

Does the hugeness of that make you smile too?
That our fears are actually the answer?

"I'm so afraid to unconditionally love because... that is what would actually complete me"

"I'm so afraid to absorb the consequences of that persons bad choice and... that is the solution and answer...."

When we talked through and thought through it... yes... the solution is the very thing we fear.

And I'm afraid of fun because it seems like a waste of time.
And then time becomes wasted because I'm living with a checklist of what's worth the effort of really living and what isn't... and then I'm in the habit of conserving and pulling away and not really living...

I'm introverted enough that often, what sounds fun to me is to leave my family and be all alone. That sounds really fun.

But fun isn't a solitude thing. It's meant to be shared.

It's a full body experience. We need to be mentally plugged in and physically plugged in and emotionally plugged in. And that happens (the emotional sharing part) when it's with someone else.

What does the Bible say about fun?
That it's a part of the balance. That fools misuse fun, but that enjoyment is a gift from God - one worth embracing.

Needed for fun:
1. lack of pressure... (so to go away from the work of a house is easier... not needing to think about meals is easier)

2. bringing out joy in others. On NPR an interview with the guy who sings with stars in cars said that his job is to bring out the real in others - the good real... because bringing out joy in others gives his viewers joy. It's a positive message he wants to grow. To help us like ourselves and like each other. It's FUN when we are all bringing out the good in each other.

3. No judging. There is a huge difference in judging and in teaching. There was fun when Sylvain was teaching me to windsurf. Even when he was laughing at my struggles. There was no judging. But there was correction and instruction. Life-giving correction. Not life-squelching. There is beauty in change and learning and being wrong and finding truth and right or having it opened for you. There is no beauty in smothering judgement.

4. Being able to put myself into someone else's experience. If my kids LOVE squirt gun fights... fun could be jumping into the middle and joining in, because of THEIR delight. It's like how holidays are more magical when viewed from your childs perspective. It's about getting into someone elses happiness. For example, I never enjoyed cooking until recognizing the art of others who delighted in it. Once it changed from functional to beautiful, I embraced it - but only after stepping into someone else. I just thought I didn't like it and didn't relate or recognize the joy others had - and until I did, I couldn't grasp the fun of food.

Point number one is interesting to me. I realize why leaving the house, going out to eat, going away to a hotel, even going away to the wilderness - why all of that helps let go of pressure and focus on the present and have FUN.

The easiest is to have spoon fed fun - a nice restaurant or overnight get away.
It's harder to step into the wilderness, to connect to nature and blend into the fun the effort...
But it has more reward...
Not sure why I think that - I just do. A real blogger would figure out why they said it and if it's false.

BUT ANYWAY deeper and much harder and much more meaningful is finding the fun in the everyday nitty-gritty daily grind life.

What does that look like?
To let go of worry. Or whatever goes through your head all day that you label something other than worry. I'm not sure if mine is worry, but I haven't figured out a label yet so I'll call it worry for now.

Our mind was created for the capacity of meditation... to renew our mind in truths and flourish through this journey. But that the track intended for meditation is far more often used for worry.

To have pure fun at the family dinner table, or in washing up dishes afterwards - this is special. It doesn't need to happen all of the time but, to position myself and those around me to experience fun... this is impossibly hard and gloriously worthy.

It's to teach my children, and myself, to live with joy - not only in the big picture - but in the moment.

Olivia, my friend's little girl who died, taught me this.

I've understood the concept of joy - of seeing the refined gold at the end of a trial - but the concept of fun is a different one. Olivia wrestled out the idea of enjoying this current moment and causing others to be present and alive in this moment too.

I've been afraid of fun because pursuing fun so often is a distraction from purposeful meaningful living. But my solution for this meaningful living now requires that I embrace fun... it means I have to live with joy, not just in the truths of eternity, but in the grace of this moment.

The Bible says a Merry Heart is good like medicine...
And everywhere around us the world is sick
And often my own spirits are fighting for health

Fun helps me find the balance. There are many time of choosing to do right because it's right. And feelings do come and go. Doing the dishes wont always be fun. But isn't it a worthwhile effort - to not just do the dishes but laugh and connect and dance while doing them?

Fun includes effort.

I used to think that fun meant instant gratification - which I'm not terribly keen on.

But good fun isn't usually that... good fun has cultivated a sense of belonging, a sense of awareness and appreciation of others. It's not selfish or proud or distant, but approachable and surprising and oh so connective.

It invites others to partake of joy.
It is free.
It invites others to be free.
It invites others to connect.

The work of preparing for a hiking trip, to really marvel at God's handiwork, to position ourselves in a place where we can have soaring spirits, to bring a frisbee in the van because we intend to use it, to have extra snacks to share, to be ready to live generously... it all takes effort. And a track of truths in our heads so we're not caught up into something else - something that blocks us from noticing the lady slipper blossom or a half-second connection in grinning at a stranger over a shared joke that just unfolded. Something that blocks us from preparing to have fun or preparing to live generously.

Fun is to be generous.
To give without holding back.
To smile our brightest.

New thought:

I know many people who tend to pull away from "the system" and carve their own path but need things like funded healthcare (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this - healthcare is just a random example)

And I know many people who tend to climb the ladder and work hard and have a lot to show for it and pay their hefty taxes to cover things like public healthcare (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this either - healthcare is just a random example)

And I used to consider myself a free spirit until I had this conversation with Rachel...

we were talking about potential husbands and what attracted us and she said that she wasn't so keen on responsibility and intelligence and over that preferred passion and connection

This rather shocked me because I would always choose responsibility over passion. One aspect can be trusted, the other can't.

But Bekah also quoted a book that stuck with me, "A lover outworks a worker" and this is where I begin to see the balance. And that responsibility can't always be trusted because without a heart behind it, that will fail. And passion will cause responsibility. And when the feelings come and go - the heart of passion is still there underneath whatever lies have bogged it down. But responsibility alone, without heart, can work off of lies... and that is something that I used to shrug at. But now I see that it's empty and dangerous. It's satan's other side of off-balance. And just as effective in keeping us from living abundantly and in Christ. Just as effective in keeping the church (the body of Christ) from living it's purpose.

I sometimes respect those who are choosing money over meaning in the name of responsibility.
I sometimes disrespect those who are fighting to make life real by "the pursuit of happiness"
I sometimes relate to those who are carefully managing stuff - in such a responsible way - and don't have time for the details of cultivating the important

I sometimes am disturbed by those who have sat at Jesus feet and left me (or someone else) with all the work

Also, it's very clear and easy to see fun when it is off balance. It's easy to see those who use fun as an escape. Who aren't sitting at Jesus feet but are off trying to find themselves and shirking all responsibility.

But it's harder to see soberness off balance. It's harder to find fault with hard workers. With those who are organized and efficient. It's harder to find fault with my endless checklists.

And the answer always seems to be to just get my act together more. Make a better checklist.

And when I really look at the lives of others - and my own - I see the great need for balance.

I went to Northland camp this week. And it was Holy Ground for me. Two summers of such spiritual refreshment. And such fun! We worked. I think we worked a lot. And we were barely paid for it. And I don't think anyone noticed or cared because it was such fun. My summer of working in the kitchen... I loved it. And being a counselor, loving my kiddos and investing into them - pure fun. And seeing them grow and open up - such fun. And competing against our brother teepee in frog catching... I can't say that I like frogs... but when I saw my girls all squeemish I jumped into the pond and convinced them that it was fun. And We Did have fun. And we won if I remember correctly - much to the chagrin of the boys.

Good fun is a sweet spirit. A delight in simplicity. Unity and grace and belonging. A fitting word and an uplifting joke.

I remember a couple who were teasing each other, and all their jokes were underlying compliments. Which sparked my heart with happiness. And it goes to show that bringing out the good in others gives even the bystanders a sense of warmth.

So there you have it. I want to cultivate fun in myself. The kind of fun that comes from connection and joy and effort and simplicity and wholesome spending of myself.

The end.

Seven Airports in Seven Days

This time it took 50 hours to leave my front door and arrive at my in-laws home.
50 hours without more than cat-naps and 4 brave kiddos.
We bought 2 week tickets and later added in a wedding and a trip to Spain which made everything a little crazy. But it worked.

What a wonderful adventure has unfolded (and is unfolding) - and I nearly missed it. I nearly missed it by buckling down and going through the motions.

That is necessary at times, to put mind over matter and figure out something to do in the airport hallway, with a child's vomit on your pants and two hours of Sylvain waiting in the line while I entertain 4 boys. But I can get stuck here and forget to live. I can forget how cute it is that my baby gets yet another meal of cake and ice cream and is thrilled about every new step of his strange day.

The last book I read was "Life is Good" by the LIG t-shirt company (National Geographic publisher). It was truths I already know and hold to - but a lovely and timely reminder non the less.

And truly it was an adventure. We left the airport in Iceland without luggage, hired a taxi, and went to a public bath (you could rent swim suits) and had an adventure in the cold air, hot pools.

With 3 hours of sitting on a runway with nothing to do in Chicago (that messed up our whole trip) an overweight man kindly fished out packages of poptarts from his handbag and offered them to our kids (who waited nicely that whole 3 hours of nothingness)

In the Netherlands a man took us from the airport bus to our train so we didn't have to figure it out

In the Belgium airport a piano was set up and a guy played with such chipper fun music in the hall... his backpack and ticket nearby, and others moved through on their way to their gates with spirits smiling

My sons took good care of each other - accommodated and adapted.

And when a child vomited and I caught it in my hands, the bus became a connected community, offering sanitizer and kleenex from their purses or backpacks.

In Iceland the waiter was kind and accommodating and helped us figure out how to make the most of our long delay. And when the baby threw an hour fit when I wanted to sleep I listened to an outdoor concert - true I was inside and wished my hubby and I could actually go attend - but all the same. The music again made me smile.

And even the 2 hours of driving around Iceland (you have to drive away from the airport to go anywhere) was beautiful. I loved seeing that strange earth and thinking of the different life it would be there.

In Spain I thought for a moment of how without kiddos I would wander the streets and enjoy tapas with my man - but instead sat on a stone step inside the apartment and drew pictures with my 5 year old while putting my 1 year old to sleep. Do you know what? The magic isn't lost. I am embracing the magic of family and connection on the seashore of the Mediterranean or in a train through Brussels or a backyard cookout in Peoria or disciplining overtired impatient kids on a rainy day in France... it doesn't matter - it's all beautiful when I am grateful. And during the day, we did walk about this beautiful slice of earth, as a family.

The first evening we were in Spain, it was cold enough to wear a jacket, the next day deliciously hot for swimming.

And some very good fresh muscles

Today, in France, it was a perfect day of sunshine, working on wedding photos, a french market, swimming pool, chocolate mousse and coffee.

And what is better than a wedding for remembering the wonder of love

If you can, read the "Life is Good" book and connect with me in remembering to embrace this wonderful life. Even if it's the sweetness of your daily commute to the office! There is magic or frustrations in the same moment. This lovely path below made me filled with peace and wonder. God freely gave us beauty. Let's take it.