Minimalistic Wrestlings

There are some things in the following statement that make me feel rebellious

Minimalists don't find joy in stuff, rather in experiences
Minimalists buy things for function and don't follow trends
Minimalists get quality items that last

So, I know that consumerism and shopping for entertainment and stuff that cycles into the landfills just because trends change, all of that is sad and slightly disgusting in the face of the world's needs

But...
I don't want things that last. I want change. I want different. I like how trends bring emphasize the beauty of something that has been overlooked (like traditional rugs, or quilts, or classic art, or boho throw pillows - they all have their specialness and trends give things their turn in the spotlight)

I find stuff beautiful
Heavy pottery
Well made dressers
Thick stationary
Hardcover Illustrated books
Layered fabrics

I don't like spending money on stuff - more important for that to go to useful things
I don't like organizing or cleaning stuff - it's too much precious time wasted
I do love creating stuff, or using stuff as art

Setting a table with cloth napkins and good food and wood platters and vases of wildflowers
Christmas lights and Nativity scenes sparkling in the evening darkness
Baby rooms brimming with love and sweetness
Candles and teacups and cozy blankets and fur pillows on a leather sofa and marble coffee table

I enjoy being home. In my house. And having people I love in my house. And the sweetness of connections and love and comfort and art

My friend Rachel is naturally minimalist and doesn't bother much with clutter told me that I have the storage space to keep all my odds and ends if it makes me happy so don't worry about it.

That was nice. Permission from someone who doesn't have junk to want my own junk. But... I don't really want it.

Minimalism is a mindset shift that matches my values.
It means people over projects
Less stuff more time
Meaninful vs temperal
Changing the culture of middleclass americans with our full closets and full basements... not accumulating more but giving more

I don't want to be a stuff manager
I love the idea of Christmas decor being the pinecones we gathered on a nature walk and stars we fashion ourselves from willow sticks and greens from our backyard with some candles. About making our own memories instead of bins of things that we unpack and repack

But I love the magic of taking out the wisemen and putting wreaths on the windows

So. I'm sure it's about finding my own balance. It's always about finding the balance - the center.

I just haven't yet. So i find myself getting rid of things and then adding other things and then getting rid of things and having this ridiculous cycle. And some sort of guilt for still being in the process.

And...
What am I going to do with my extra time?
Exercise? I hate exercising.
Do more side by side time with my kids? That can be draining... I love it and I love them but I want them to go play with each other, not me. I don't want to drive cars into each other and say "crash" for more then 4 mins. I just don't.
Clean my toilets more often? It seems tedious.
Isn't it more fun to find pretty vases and line them up across the mantel with queen anns lace for a new look?

I don't know. I haven't solved it.
I've gone to homes that are minimal and they just seem... so unartistic.

My friend Tia has a wonderful balance of less stuff but well done. I do feel like she has figured it out. But in some ways she has other outlets for her creative energy. I have a lot of creative energy and it's often only expressed in a house. I need to find more ways to create but... I tried painting and I don't see a point. What do you do with the art afterwards? I tried photography and I'm restless with it. Maybe if I was growing still... maybe if I was doing something with travel photography. Maybe for styled shoots. But, photography in general has become more of a check list - it's the editing part... click, wait 20 seconds, click, wait 4 seconds, click way 10 seconds and change the file and start the next. I tried being a paint nite host - teaching it in a fun night... but... I need more ownership. I need more meaning. It was just like photography, a rhythm. Once I learn a rhythm I'm ready for something new.

Art helps restore my energy.
It soothes me and makes me ready for the ugly
Creating beauty in the tangible makes me want to create beauty in struggles of humanity

I'm still figuring out how to find that outlet without it being a consumerist, stuff, clutter, anti-accomplishing-its-purpose, path

I don't want the very things that I'm gather for energy to use up my energy.

Hopefully my next post will describe how I've figured this all out.