A summary of advice from "Babywise," "Happiest Baby on the Block," "Baby Whisperer," "Bringing up Bebe" and "Shepherding a Childs Heart" as well as my own 2 cents.
1. “Babywise” promotes an ‘Eat-Play-Sleep’ schedule — with this schedule, your baby wakes and feeds, then engages in an activity (shaking a rattle, reading a book, tummy time, etc.) before finally going down for the next nap. Parents are urged to put their babies down drowsy, but awake. Parents are to encourage their babies to go at least 2 hours between feedings in the first few weeks after birth, and then gradually to push for 3 hours and eventually 4 hours between feedings. The authors believe that by intentionally spacing out feedings, and not feeding on demand, parents can encourage babies to consolidate their feedings, and eventually sleep through the night at a few months old. Babywise is a good theory, for parents who know how to be flexible when appropriate. Putting the child to bed while awake teaches them to self-soothe. Babies will wake up many times a night. If the baby needs to be rocked to sleep or patted to sleep every time he has a natural wake up, it will mean the parent spends many hours up rocking over the week. And this is not healthy for the parents or child.
2. "Happiest baby on the block" emphasis is (for 0-3 months) to be aware that it's a harsh transition from womb to world and to focus on the 5 "s" (Swaddling, Side-Lying—babies can experience the sensation of falling when held flat on their backs—Shushing—a loud, droning, white noise type sound—Swinging, Sucking) to sooth your baby and provide a healthy environment. This is especially helpful for babies with colic. It tells parents that they cannot really spoil a child before 3 months old and this is a flexible space for adjusting and a grace period of just enjoying your newborn. The 5 “s” are how the baby self-soothed in the womb and you are making those available in the great big world. AFTER the first three months, a pacifier (and some of the other 5 “s”) is more of a habit then a useful tool (during first few months it can reduce risk of SIDS) so it can be offered less frequently and by 6 months is not needed. Babies need a lot of skin-to-skin connection during those first three months, and their security and trust are developed at this young age. The most important thing is for your child to be loved during this first phase, but relax and don't worry about "training" your child. Developmentally this is a time for building security through meeting basic needs and a lot of touch/contact.
3. “Baby Whisperer” has an E.A.S.Y. routine: Eat, Activity, Sleep, You Time. Basically, baby wakes and eats, engages in an activity, goes down for the next nap, and then you get some (much-needed!!) "you time", in which to unwind (put dinner in the crock pot and hopefully take a nap – goodness knows you need one, right?). The E.A.S.Y. routine is just that – a routine. It’s not meant to be a strict, time-driven schedule like Babywise. It's more about the order in which things flow. Hogg is clear that one day may look different from another, in terms of the timing of feedings and naps. Also, while parents do need to help direct baby’s day, they also need to watch baby’s cues closely, and use those to drive the routine. For example, in a growth spurt, baby might need to nurse more often then the Babywise schedule would accommodate.
4. "Bringing up Bebe" is more like a memoir, and a fun read. It looks at the expectations of French parents and how their children are less likely to throw fits or need special food at meal time or have issues with sleep. The concept is that French parents observe their babies but don't rush in. They don't get stressed about their baby crying, they don't rush to fix it, they just watch and expect them to get it eventually, or act when they know what the child needs but not with excess. The difference is, many American parents give their baby a habit of Instant Gratification.
At about age 3-6 months is a good time for parents to know what works best for the whole family and implement healthy patterns and more consistent routine with self-soothing. The basic idea is the child should sleep (at night) a stretch at least as long as many months they are (4 hours at 4 months, 6 hours at 6…). And 6-9 months is a great bedtime rhythm step, where the baby starts to have prompts and cues for settling down. This may be a story book or singing or praying time - some parents practice saying goodnight to favorite stuffed animals. Just something that gives baby a connection of settling down and calming down to get ready for sleep. The parent should still put baby into crib while he is awake, but have that bonding time as a happy tradition.
Elizabeth Eliott quotes a man that said a child must be trained and obedient by 18 months. The benefit of starting young with healthy expectations is a lot less discipline needed. Elizabeth reminds us that, though we have goals as parents, God gives a lot of grace and there is always hope and ability to change. The point of reading up about parenting is not to have a perfect child, but that a husband and wife can work together for mutual goals and connect in this parenting journey. This makes parenting more connective and happy instead of discouraging and clashing. Having a chance to talk about parenting goals beforehand can save some 2am fights on whether to rock baby or let her cry it out.
As you begin your family it's a great time to talk about your values and what Things means to you (how much stuff do you want to buy and how important are brands and how much free stuff do you accept) and how much stuff you want to add in for a new baby, and for a toddler, and for a child, and for a teen... and what you want Christmas and birthday to look like and what fits your goals and heart. How much media time, how important homework is, what is acceptable for your children - these areas of controversy continue to come at parents and learning how to talk about things before they're an issue is a great way to be a connected team and bond instead of divide.
If both parents were alike and thought alike, one of them would not be necessary. Listen to each other and find a balance, but know what your core values are beforehand. If you wait until baby is yelling and dad says "let him cry it out" and mom says "well he just wants me" and this is when you have your big discussion on what to do, it will end in a lot of over-tired emotion and frustration for everyone. Dads tend to pick up their children and throw them into the air while moms pull them in close for a hug. Dads tend to nurture independence while moms cuddle and connect. Both are important. But a game plan will help both parents provide a wholesome environment for their children.
One of my favorite books was "Shepherding a child’s heart" which is ideal to read once your child has a will of their own. About age one is a good time to start this book and a good re-read when your child is at an older stage of 6 or so. This is a good book to read early on as a way to talk about your styles and views as a united parent team and how discipline will look in your house.
HAPPY PARENTING :)
