Since I was a teenager I've had a God-word of the year...
Words like:
Grace, Worship, Self Discipline, Holiness, Joy, Simplicity, Peace and so on
This year my word is Fun.
Isn't that strange? It seems so unspiritual.
But I'll unfold my journey for you.
Joy I understood. It's choosing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's gratefulness. It's a deep understanding of Christ's goodness and an eternal perspective on the sorrows of this world.
Fun has been something that I push away. It doesn't feel sensible or mature or worthy of my time and energy. It doesn't seem sober.
Before we go farther - BALANCE is the one thing I recognize as both rare and utterly valuable. The Bible says we have an invisible battle we're fighting - not flesh and blood - but mainly in our mind. Fighting for truth amid rampant lies and fighting to deal with the lies in other people's heads too. And Satan loves to push us either direction in these lies.
Isis is growing through lies - lies that hold the tiny shred of truth and gets all twisted. Isis has young girls joining because it tells them, "don't be a sex object like the Western world belittles you to be. Women are women and they want to be known and treated differently"
and after being on this earth a couple decades I do see the ugly lie of girls trying to compete with hollywood and effort and longing into their looks only to one day realize that if that is all someone cares about, life is pretty awful.
Isis tells people "there is joy and connection and community and meaning in our group - if you join us your skills will have value. we may have to sacrifice the world to save it - but it's a glorious mission"
It's crazy to me how terrible these lies are and how much they blind their followers...
but I know how lies are so deceptive
And one of the reasons I believe in the Bible and in God is that it isn't specific - it leaves room for many personalities and many ages and many times in history and it has a clear gospel - but doesn't spell out rules like how long ones shirt sleeves or skirt or hair should be. It didn't make clear lines even on ruthless horrible things - left a lot up to governments and people and learning - but even if the Bible didn't forbid slavery, Christ makes it abundantly clear that we are to only love each other and give up everything for the poor and take up our cross. That is His best. No slavery possible when you're living in the Spirit. The 10 commandments - and then a lot of freedom. Freedom to make bad choices even. And freedom to fight against surrendering to Him... to be scared of giving up everything even though it's our only real freedom. Freedom to choose not to live in the Spirit.
And, on the other hand, we can get carried away on man-made rules and waste precious time and unity arguing over a lot of specifics... Grace is that middle ground - allowing people to have their own journey, encouraging and pointing towards truth and understanding others without needing to be understood. Being true to the Holy Spirit and clinging to Him and positioning ourselves to hear Him and reminding others of the truth that He is showing specifically to them and letting go and facing fears...
This isn't a very Fun blog. Hm.
But that was my backdrop to say how essential it is to live in balance. Not wildly living for ourselves, but not taking ourselves too seriously and being caught up in creating rules for ourselves and everyone else and forgetting to live in the overflow (fruits of the Spirit).
And fun is missing in my balance.
Here is what is needed for fun:
- Delight
-Appreciation and seeing the good
- Boosting happiness in others
- No agenda for others
- No need to change or manage, what is, is enough
- Not taking self too seriously (humility not pride or self importance)
- Connecting fully to the moment (living presently)
- Pure acceptance
- No need to be in control of a situation or another person
- Wholehearted... not fragmented by worry or criticism or guilt or pressure or stress or distraction
- Acceptance of ones self, no need to perform
- Openess and vulnerability and trust
- Abundance mentality. Taking a risk in giving of myself, giving my joy to something because I don't have a scarcity mentality. There is enough and more. Enough energy, enough time, enough emotional availability, enough joy.
- Doesn't oppose wisdom or prudence. Doesn't fight against classiness or self control.
- Is part of the balance Is not a solution in itself.
- Can be an escape from real, or it can be an overflow of real. Just like everything else. Every part of me can be turned into a lie (an escape from real) or be an outpouring of real... and if I'm walking in the Holy Spirit then an outpouring of Him.
My friend Heather and I had a conversation that was so meaningful. About how the answer is in what we dread.
For example, Heather said "I'm afraid of being invisible... because what I most dearly want is to be invisible (letting Christ flow through me!") and I said "I'm afraid of not being enough... because what I really want is to NOT be enough and to source life through His sufficiency so that I actually am living with meaning." And "I'm afraid to change because what I really want is change" and "I'm afraid to let go of my efforts and have fun because what I'm working for is to have fun."
Does the hugeness of that make you smile too?
That our fears are actually the answer?
"I'm so afraid to unconditionally love because... that is what would actually complete me"
"I'm so afraid to absorb the consequences of that persons bad choice and... that is the solution and answer...."
When we talked through and thought through it... yes... the solution is the very thing we fear.
And I'm afraid of fun because it seems like a waste of time.
And then time becomes wasted because I'm living with a checklist of what's worth the effort of really living and what isn't... and then I'm in the habit of conserving and pulling away and not really living...
I'm introverted enough that often, what sounds fun to me is to leave my family and be all alone. That sounds really fun.
But fun isn't a solitude thing. It's meant to be shared.
It's a full body experience. We need to be mentally plugged in and physically plugged in and emotionally plugged in. And that happens (the emotional sharing part) when it's with someone else.
What does the Bible say about fun?
That it's a part of the balance. That fools misuse fun, but that enjoyment is a gift from God - one worth embracing.
Needed for fun:
1. lack of pressure... (so to go away from the work of a house is easier... not needing to think about meals is easier)
2. bringing out joy in others. On NPR an interview with the guy who sings with stars in cars said that his job is to bring out the real in others - the good real... because bringing out joy in others gives his viewers joy. It's a positive message he wants to grow. To help us like ourselves and like each other. It's FUN when we are all bringing out the good in each other.
3. No judging. There is a huge difference in judging and in teaching. There was fun when Sylvain was teaching me to windsurf. Even when he was laughing at my struggles. There was no judging. But there was correction and instruction. Life-giving correction. Not life-squelching. There is beauty in change and learning and being wrong and finding truth and right or having it opened for you. There is no beauty in smothering judgement.
4. Being able to put myself into someone else's experience. If my kids LOVE squirt gun fights... fun could be jumping into the middle and joining in, because of THEIR delight. It's like how holidays are more magical when viewed from your childs perspective. It's about getting into someone elses happiness. For example, I never enjoyed cooking until recognizing the art of others who delighted in it. Once it changed from functional to beautiful, I embraced it - but only after stepping into someone else. I just thought I didn't like it and didn't relate or recognize the joy others had - and until I did, I couldn't grasp the fun of food.
Point number one is interesting to me. I realize why leaving the house, going out to eat, going away to a hotel, even going away to the wilderness - why all of that helps let go of pressure and focus on the present and have FUN.
The easiest is to have spoon fed fun - a nice restaurant or overnight get away.
It's harder to step into the wilderness, to connect to nature and blend into the fun the effort...
But it has more reward...
Not sure why I think that - I just do. A real blogger would figure out why they said it and if it's false.
BUT ANYWAY deeper and much harder and much more meaningful is finding the fun in the everyday nitty-gritty daily grind life.
What does that look like?
To let go of worry. Or whatever goes through your head all day that you label something other than worry. I'm not sure if mine is worry, but I haven't figured out a label yet so I'll call it worry for now.
Our mind was created for the capacity of meditation... to renew our mind in truths and flourish through this journey. But that the track intended for meditation is far more often used for worry.
To have pure fun at the family dinner table, or in washing up dishes afterwards - this is special. It doesn't need to happen all of the time but, to position myself and those around me to experience fun... this is impossibly hard and gloriously worthy.
It's to teach my children, and myself, to live with joy - not only in the big picture - but in the moment.
Olivia, my friend's little girl who died, taught me this.
I've understood the concept of joy - of seeing the refined gold at the end of a trial - but the concept of fun is a different one. Olivia wrestled out the idea of enjoying this current moment and causing others to be present and alive in this moment too.
I've been afraid of fun because pursuing fun so often is a distraction from purposeful meaningful living. But my solution for this meaningful living now requires that I embrace fun... it means I have to live with joy, not just in the truths of eternity, but in the grace of this moment.
The Bible says a Merry Heart is good like medicine...
And everywhere around us the world is sick
And often my own spirits are fighting for health
Fun helps me find the balance. There are many time of choosing to do right because it's right. And feelings do come and go. Doing the dishes wont always be fun. But isn't it a worthwhile effort - to not just do the dishes but laugh and connect and dance while doing them?
Fun includes effort.
I used to think that fun meant instant gratification - which I'm not terribly keen on.
But good fun isn't usually that... good fun has cultivated a sense of belonging, a sense of awareness and appreciation of others. It's not selfish or proud or distant, but approachable and surprising and oh so connective.
It invites others to partake of joy.
It is free.
It invites others to be free.
It invites others to connect.
The work of preparing for a hiking trip, to really marvel at God's handiwork, to position ourselves in a place where we can have soaring spirits, to bring a frisbee in the van because we intend to use it, to have extra snacks to share, to be ready to live generously... it all takes effort. And a track of truths in our heads so we're not caught up into something else - something that blocks us from noticing the lady slipper blossom or a half-second connection in grinning at a stranger over a shared joke that just unfolded. Something that blocks us from preparing to have fun or preparing to live generously.
Fun is to be generous.
To give without holding back.
To smile our brightest.
New thought:
I know many people who tend to pull away from "the system" and carve their own path but need things like funded healthcare (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this - healthcare is just a random example)
And I know many people who tend to climb the ladder and work hard and have a lot to show for it and pay their hefty taxes to cover things like public healthcare (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this either - healthcare is just a random example)
And I used to consider myself a free spirit until I had this conversation with Rachel...
we were talking about potential husbands and what attracted us and she said that she wasn't so keen on responsibility and intelligence and over that preferred passion and connection
This rather shocked me because I would always choose responsibility over passion. One aspect can be trusted, the other can't.
But Bekah also quoted a book that stuck with me, "A lover outworks a worker" and this is where I begin to see the balance. And that responsibility can't always be trusted because without a heart behind it, that will fail. And passion will cause responsibility. And when the feelings come and go - the heart of passion is still there underneath whatever lies have bogged it down. But responsibility alone, without heart, can work off of lies... and that is something that I used to shrug at. But now I see that it's empty and dangerous. It's satan's other side of off-balance. And just as effective in keeping us from living abundantly and in Christ. Just as effective in keeping the church (the body of Christ) from living it's purpose.
I sometimes respect those who are choosing money over meaning in the name of responsibility.
I sometimes disrespect those who are fighting to make life real by "the pursuit of happiness"
I sometimes relate to those who are carefully managing stuff - in such a responsible way - and don't have time for the details of cultivating the important
I sometimes am disturbed by those who have sat at Jesus feet and left me (or someone else) with all the work
Also, it's very clear and easy to see fun when it is off balance. It's easy to see those who use fun as an escape. Who aren't sitting at Jesus feet but are off trying to find themselves and shirking all responsibility.
But it's harder to see soberness off balance. It's harder to find fault with hard workers. With those who are organized and efficient. It's harder to find fault with my endless checklists.
And the answer always seems to be to just get my act together more. Make a better checklist.
And when I really look at the lives of others - and my own - I see the great need for balance.
I went to Northland camp this week. And it was Holy Ground for me. Two summers of such spiritual refreshment. And such fun! We worked. I think we worked a lot. And we were barely paid for it. And I don't think anyone noticed or cared because it was such fun. My summer of working in the kitchen... I loved it. And being a counselor, loving my kiddos and investing into them - pure fun. And seeing them grow and open up - such fun. And competing against our brother teepee in frog catching... I can't say that I like frogs... but when I saw my girls all squeemish I jumped into the pond and convinced them that it was fun. And We Did have fun. And we won if I remember correctly - much to the chagrin of the boys.
Good fun is a sweet spirit. A delight in simplicity. Unity and grace and belonging. A fitting word and an uplifting joke.
I remember a couple who were teasing each other, and all their jokes were underlying compliments. Which sparked my heart with happiness. And it goes to show that bringing out the good in others gives even the bystanders a sense of warmth.
So there you have it. I want to cultivate fun in myself. The kind of fun that comes from connection and joy and effort and simplicity and wholesome spending of myself.
The end.
